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A Son
I have a son. I’ve used the word only a few select times in public. I try it out at home every now and then to see how it sounds, before I fully incorporate it into my vocabulary. I remember feeling similar with the words “husband” and “wife”. I have a son. A son. It’s a big word.
Today James and I went to the grocery store by ourselves. This was made possible by the help of a pretty fancy sling that will probably become a staple. We went to Trader Joes. I figured James’ first grocery store should be a good one. We also went to the doctor this morning and by the time we got home in the afternoon I felt like I had accomplished enough for the whole week! It’s funny how my to do lists have changed. The other day I actually had “cut toe-nails” on my list.
My world feels smaller and slower and my heart... already, is softer.
James took his time revealing himself. I went into labor on a tuesday and didn’t have him until friday night. The story of his birth is a long one that I won’t go into detail about, I just know that God taught me many lessons in those few days of waiting for James, and in those last hours when I didn’t think I could endure one more contraction, and when I was certain I would never see my little ones face, I kept hearing in my head,
“Shall I bring to the point of birth and not give delivery?” - Isaiah 66:9
That moment when I first felt James on my chest was a good moment. One of the ones I think maybe I was made for. My mom was there, my husband, our doula/midwife, and a handful of hospital staff whose faces are blurry to me. The moments after James was delivered are all pretty blurry to me. I was exhausted, relieved, awe-struck, and overwhelmed. But I remember.
I remember seeing the smile on my husbands face as he softly said, “we have a son”
I remember hearing the first cry of the life that grew in my womb
feeling james’ hands wrap around my finger as I held him for the first time
I do not take these things for granted.
I know what a miracle it is, what a gift it is from God to give birth to a life.
I don’t exactly know how life is going to look for our new little family. We still have a lot of figuring out to do, a lot of unknowns. But something changed in me the minute James was born. Something calmed, something settled. Life will never be the same. I have a son!
Published on May 13, 2009 at 6:42 pm | Permalink | 1 Comment
James
It's a boy!!
I have many stories to tell and pictures to share but for now I just wanted to let it be known that James Rogers Dahlgren entered the world on Friday April 24th, weighing in at 8 lbs 1 oz. We are all exhausted but doing great and loving these first days together. I promise I will share more soon!
Published on May 13, 2009 at 6:42 pm | Permalink | 0 Comments
The Wednesday Game of Non-Sequiturs
I've had too much caffeine today (the baby doesn't seem to mind...) and I'm already anxious since my due date is tomorrow (What?!) and it doesn't look like this baby will be on time. SO, what better way to calm ones self than with a game, right? So here it is, a game for a wandering mind like mine, and on a wednesday no less. Wednesday's are for wandering anyway, are they not? I always get my best work done on Friday's, I'm finally warmed up by then...anyway...
The Wednesday Game of Non-Sequiturs:
3 things that are always in my fridge: tortilla's, eggs, butter
Most recent guilty pleasure song: Dead and Gone by TI and Justin Timberlake. I know.... I'm surprised too.
Favorite class from high school: creative writing
If I could grow anything perfectly in my backyard it would be: tomatoes. I just love the smell of fresh tomatoes. And I can't decide on a single herb or flower.
Most Used Wedding Gift: KitchenAid Mixer (if not-married, you can answer with most used gift in general)
Talent I wish I was born with: cooking
Color I would paint my fingernails if I didn't care what people thought of me: Purple. I say this because I have a bottle of light purple fingernail polish that I bought on a whim and occasionally take it out and put it on a finger or toe in the hopes that I will have the courage to finish a whole hand or foot... I never do. One day my friends, one day. The fact remains, I do care what people think of me. What is it I am afraid people will deduct from purple nail polish? Maybe that they will think I'm too childish, not sophisticated enough. You like how I'm finding some deep meaning out of my reluctance to be daring with nail polish? moving on...
Favorite thing to find in your lunchbox as a child: I think I'll go with pringles.
Age you would not like to revisit: 13
Age you would like to revisit: 10
Book I still haven't finished but is on the top of my finish list: The Omnivore's Dilemma
And finally,
Day I think Alli will give birth to her first child that is due tomorrow: I'm pulling for this saturday, the 18th.
If you need a distraction for a few minutes today, feel free to leave your answers in the comments! I'll let you know when this baby comes!
Published on May 13, 2009 at 6:45 pm | Permalink | 0 Comments
Afraid
I don’t want to admit that I am. But the fear is undeniable. Debra Rienstra (and her narrative that has been a companion to me through this pregnancy) calls it the “quiet, tensing fear, a constant, high-pitched hum that no one can hear but me.”
There is something lonely about pregnancy that can not be assuaged. I felt this from the very beginning and sort of expected it to go away with time. It has not and possibly will not.
It’s as if a pregnant woman enters this new realm of spiritual mystery, a water that must be traveled alone. For some reason I picture the underground lake from the Phantom of The Opera.
It is traveled alone because there is no other way. I don’t think our human minds or hearts can hold what it means to give birth to a life. We cannot fathom such a miracle, and the mother who carries the child cannot speak of the depth she experiences, simply because she does not have the words.
In the middle of the night, wide awake, I stare at the pack and play in our room where the new baby will sleep very soon. I walk over to it and push the button that turns on it’s nightlight. I touch the fabric where we will soon lay our son or daughter. And I hear the hum. The constant hum that Debra writes about. She says,
“One indisputable truth about pregnancy is that once the baby is in there, it must come out somehow. The end is near, the end is real. The only way out is through.”
I am afraid of the birth itself, I would be a fool not to be. But more than that, I tremble at the enormity of experiencing life on this level. Experiencing the Creator on this level. How is it that He gives us such a taste of something so far beyond our current capacity? I have not yet seen this child's face, and already I am overwhelmed with awe.
Published on May 13, 2009 at 6:46 pm | Permalink | 0 Comments
April's NoiseTrade News
If you receive my monthly emails then you have already read this, but for those of you who don't here is an exciting update about some fun stuff we're doing with this months noisetrade downloads. (You can download my music by clicking on the links below, or just click on the noisetrade link on the right side of this page down about halfway)
I'm excited to say that you can still get some of Alli's music for free but we're upping the ante a little bit for the next few months... We wanted to give you one more reason to tell your friends about Alli's music and we wanted to help a few amazing causes in the process. So for the next six months we're going to be giving away Alli's music but what's different is that each month the person that tells the largest number of friends about Alli's music will get one of each of Alli's records (including her records that are now out of print One EP, At Sea: Live, and The Silent Stars EP) and a t-shirt absolutely free, the more friends you tell the better chance you have of winning! (please note that you must initiate the download process by clicking on the link in the confirmation email and then again on the following screen each time you "tell 5 friends" otherwise the system won't recognize how many people you've told, but then after that you can cancel the download).
At the end of the six months we will pick at random one monthly winner out of the six to receive a free iPod shuffle, "the brand new music player from apple that talks to you!" You can also post the free music widget (above) on your Facebook, MySpace, blog, website, and much more. For more information on how to get started just click here!
The other new twist is that 100% of all the net proceeds (NoiseTrade takes 10% to cover the credit card fees and admin, etc.) that come in from people who choose to donate money will go to a different non-profit organization every month. This month we're excited to be supporting Not For Sale, an amazing organization that is committed to abolishing modern day slavery around the world.
Thanks so much for all your help spreading the word, we can't do it without you!
(P.S. I wrote about Not For Sale a few weeks ago in this post)
Published on May 13, 2009 at 6:47 pm | Permalink | 0 Comments